i just burned 1200 calories (i forgot the pizza in the oven)
Don’t fall in love with someone like me, I will take u to the 711 for a hotdog date. This is why storms are named after ppl…
College: *hands me my degree*
College: It’s a metaphor. That’ll be $50,000 in student loans please.
So one of my friends broke her arm falling off her porch and her hot neighbor friend took her to the emergency room. When she about to get a xray the technician asked “is there any possibility of you being pregnant?” and she’s like “No” the technician looked at her, looked the the hot neighbor friend then look back at her and asked "Are you sure?"